I’ve been waiting for November 5th to come for quite a while now. The weeks leading up to the election were just unbelievably draining and I wanted it all to be over. I tried to convince myself to expect it all to end this way, but I never really lost hope, which is why, I guess, I am completely devastated today.
I was busy with my two sweet, innocent kids all morning, a pretty nice distraction from the nausea I would feel if I ever stopped to think of the world that I brought them into. After lunch, I put them both down for naps and ran on the treadmill. Now, you might be thinking,”She just ran a marathon, she could run forever.” Not so. Every day I run about 2-3 miles and every day it is very hard and I hate it. But today, though I didn’t eat very much being sick to my stomach n’all, I ran and ran and ran. I ran four miles without stopping, being fueled by disappointment, unbelief, anger, frustration, helplessness, disgust, and most of all, FEAR. I just wanted to escape all of it, but where could I go???? Finally, I stopped the treadmill, knelt down and cried and cried.
You might be thinking, “What the…??? This girl is out of her mind! She must really hate black people! You’re being just a little melodramatic, aren’t you, Jenn?” Perhaps I am being overly dramatic, but today I can’t help it. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow…who knows.
Josh posted a video on his blog a few days ago, you must watch it. The title of my post is from the video and will not stop running through my head. Demoralization of Society
Add the information from this video to words of the latter-day prophets and The Book of Mormon and what do you get? Jenn, on the floor crying.
My parents were warriors in California to support Prop 8. It was an extremely heated and frightening battle out there, especially for members of the LDS church. And of course, it is wonderful that Proposition 8 passed, but my mind is boggled and reeling by how close it was to NOT passing. This is definitely not over and I find myself questioning the strength I possess to continue fighting against a world that denies the simple truths and inner light that we all have been given. I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising children who will have to fight even harder to make righteousness and truth prevail against the false teachings of men.
So no, I don’t hate black people, nor do I hate homosexual people. I love everyone except for Satan who is doing a phenomenal job on this earth.
by Jess, on November 6 2008 @ 2:44 am
You are not alone. i bawled last night watching McCain and again getting ready for bed. There were many
I’ll come cry with you . . . if you let me use
scared mothers crying on the floor next to treadmills, kitchen sinks, cribs, and washing machines. I’ve been in a daze all day. Anyway, long comment. Just call any time!
your treadmill first!
by Mom Stewart, on November 6 2008 @ 7:58 pm
Jenn, that was very beautifully written. I think that you expressed yourself very well. I felt pretty much the same way, but I couldn’t even make myself get over walking speed on the eliptical machine. I was too depressed to move my legs.
Today I am thinking and feeling a little bit better:) I am thinking that Heavenly Father knows all about this time. He knows that we can do it. We just have to get in there and do it:) I believe that each succeeding generation is stronger and has abilities and strengths that the previous generation are amazed at. (At least that is how it is in my case) The sweet children that you are bringing into the world are strong and good and have the abilities to meet whatever comes their way. They have been prepared and you and Josh are continuing the preparation, extremely well I might add. We can’t be afraid. Fear is not one of Heavenly Father’s tools:) ( I say that, though I am fighting fear myself
)
I think, considering the shock of the enormity of our loss Tues., especially considering we knew that we were going to win because we had to
, some depression and fear and all the emotions that you described so well, are normal and to be expected. Give yourself a few days and then…we get back to work 
It is going to be alright. Remember that Heavenly Father loves your children even more than you do, if that is possible 
. He wouldn’t send them here to fail. Just keep doing the excellent work you are doing and watch as the Plan unfolds. We just have to go forward with faith…..and try to enjoy the journey 
It has all been forseen, and we win!!!:)
by Amy, on November 7 2008 @ 1:34 am
Jenn, Reading this post it was like you were writing what was in my heart. I have been in a depressed daze and haven’t been able to settle my heart. I’m so glad I thought to peruse facebook and notice that you had a blog. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am so scared for what the future holds. The comment that Mom Stewart left gives me hope.
by Bristy, on November 7 2008 @ 3:19 pm
Jenn, you are amazing. First with the post, I too turned to look at Brad and asked if he had a pit in his stomach also. Not to my surprise he said No, we’ll be okay. His saying for the last 2 months, and he’s been right. I wish I had as much faith as he does. But your mom is right. McCain is still in the senate and as long as there are people in there looking out for the good of the rest of us with such class and a voice, as long as there are still mothers out there like you and I that care and love our children, as long as there is YW leaders like you who stop the world just for 1 hour to make 20 adolescents think of what they are greatful for, we will be okay!
by Holly Hokanson, on November 10 2008 @ 1:00 am
Jenn, I wish I verbalize my thoughts as well as you do. I want to copy your post and put it on my blog,
because you said everything I’m thinking. Wow! It’s a scary time to be alive and raising precious little spirits.
by Katie Kleven, on November 10 2008 @ 9:03 pm
I really gather faith hearing your post and the other comments and all my friends that I live near, etc. Although it’s been very disheartening to see these events unfold in our country, (especially the No on 8 people rallying at the LA temple-blah on them) I guess we have no choice but to stand firm and strong and keep the faith. I think alot about how we’re “a peculiar people” and it seems that, that will become more the case. I’m soooo grateful to be part of a church that does not waver and knows when we need to take a stand. Thanks for the post
by tara, on November 11 2008 @ 2:35 pm
Honestly, I was actually sick All day on nov 4. I had a head cold. ears, nose, throat, and headache. I just sat on my couch and watched FOX news. I knew Obama would be president. I was hopeful but, i knew. According to all the polls he was going to be the next president. I wanted to throw up! We made our way over to Vote for McCain and I knew it wasn’t going to do much. It was depressing!!
the main thing I was sick about was prop 8. My focus was on the news and I wasn’t moving. the hardest thing for me is knowing there are so many uneducated people in this world and I can’t handle it.
I keep telling myself there is hope. The leaders of our church helped us realize that last General Conference. There message was HOPE. We have to be strong and we have to do all we can to strengthen our families and those around us. It’s our duty!
we must be hopeful.
We can do it!
by Aunt Julia, on November 11 2008 @ 3:53 pm
OK Jenn, you just described me tues. night as well as weds. last week. Fortunately time has a way of helping things get things into perspective.
I think for me the problem was SHOCK at what had just happened and the reality that
what I thought was “good” and must prevail, was lost and I was now thrown into a
dark wilderness that I did not choose. Part of it is having controll taken away.
What I have decided is to find some good in the situation and focus on IT as well as
hoping for the best BUT prepare for the worst!
The talk by Elder Worthlin in Conference called “Come What May, and Love it” is my new
motto! I frequently have to be reminded of it, BUT it was inspired and very timely!
I have had a great life with wonderful examples of love for The Lord, my family and my country around me. I guess it is time to be that example that I have so admired and received strength from. Sink or swim, I think I am ready to swim! We all need each other for support and strength. Thanks for being you!
I love you.