“Hmmmm, only $7,” I thought to myself,”It’s probably KIND OF cute…I haven’t heard much about it…eh, how bad could it be?”

REALLY REALLY INFURIATINGLY BAD!!!!

I am here to warn you, DO NOT EVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER EV’ EV’ EV’ EV’ EV’ EV’ EEEEEVER WATCH THIS MOVIE (or spend a measly $1 on it)!!!!!!!!

Now if any of you know the Stewart’s (you probably do, since if you are reading my blog, chances are you ARE a Stewart ) you know we have strong opinions about movies.  I’ve calmed down a ton in recent years but on this I must voice my opinion.  It doesn’t even matter, because WHO has even seen this movie besides ME?  Nobody!  But let me just tell you….

I’ll just make a list of reasons why this movie is HORRENDOUS:

• Mike Myers’ accent – he used his Scottish accent in “So I Married an Axe Murderer” and the..other accent (whatever it was) in “Shrek” so what does that leave?  The ‘Coffee Talk’ lady from SNL.  That’s right.  The Cat in the Hat has a crazy New Yawker woman accent!  Did you ever imagine that?  AND he doesn’t use it consistently.  Sometimes he’s talking normal, spazzy, yet normal.  Oh yeah!  AND other times he’s talking like the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz.
• This movie is made for kids that have ADHD or CAUSES kids to get it.  It’s just completely nuts, wild, colorful, jerky the whole time.
• The story line, which they add A LOT of, is completely retarded.
• The “jokes” are dumb, dumb, dumb.  The only one laughing at them is THE CAT.
• The adults in the movie are disgusting, crass individuals in real life.  Why put them in a kids’ movie?  Which brings me to my main point….
• Why do the producers or whoever, think this “Oh man, parents are going to have to bring their kids to see this movie.  How are we going to make it entertaining for them?  OH!  I KNOW!  We have to use blatant sexual innuendo’s throughout the whole thing.  THAT’S what parents/adults laugh at!”  “You’re a genius!  Let’s do it!”  This movie is loaded with inappropriateness!  That’s the infuriating part.  Here’s a sublist of examples:

1. The Cat looks at a picture of the kids’ mom.  He picks it up and as he exclaims his rapture at her beauty, he pulls on the picture and it extends into “centerfold” length and his red and white striped hat extends a foot or two.
2. The Cat is holding a garden hoe with mud on it and says “You dirty hoe!”
3. The cat licks himself you know where and then looks directly at the camera and says ‘Why? Because I Can”
4. As the kids and the Cat chase their dog outside (I know, stupid story line!) somehow they end up at a rave where people are scantily clad and the Cat runs into, who else?  Everybody’s favorite, Paris Hilton, also wearing inappropriate clothing for my little boy to see.

Now check it out, that is just a short list that I thought of off the top of my head from the ONE time I watched it.  And I haven’t watched the whole thing yet because it was just too painful.  WHO KNOWS what else is in that movie, because, once again, who else in the world has watched it?  Oh these people have….

Here are some of my favorite quotes from reviews on rottentomatoes.com :

“Much of the film is padded out by the comic business of Mike Myers’ cat, in a deeply flawed role falling somewhere between a stand-up dying on stage or an alcoholic clown harassing kids at a birthday party.”

“Unless you are prone to laugh at endless urination, expectoration, regurgitation, defecation, flatulence, and belching, avoid this rip-off at all costs.”

“The film is the kind of betrayal of the book’s kooky elegance in which Myers’ magical, maniacal talking cat finds it necessary to cough up hair balls.”

“Creepier than Michael Jackson’s mug shot, and yet very similar. Parents shouldn’t leave their kids alone with this circus sideshow, either.”

“It’s a shame and a pity to see what they’ve done, making a movie about magic that contains less than none.”

]]> http://www.joshandjenn.com/2009/03/kitty-litter/feed/ 4 http://www.joshandjenn.com/2009/03/post-it-like-its-hot/ http://www.joshandjenn.com/2009/03/post-it-like-its-hot/#comments Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:13:46 +0000 Jenn Carr http://www.joshandjenn.com/?p=804

]]> http://www.joshandjenn.com/2009/03/post-it-like-its-hot/feed/ 2 http://www.joshandjenn.com/2009/03/reverence-is-more-than-just-quietly-sitting/ http://www.joshandjenn.com/2009/03/reverence-is-more-than-just-quietly-sitting/#comments Sun, 01 Mar 2009 23:03:35 +0000 Jenn Carr http://www.joshandjenn.com/?p=793 Reverence is More Than Just Quietly Sitting…It’s never, ever opening your eyes no matter how long the prayer is.

Josh and I weren’t being reverent at all because once Josh happened to open his eyes and notice Alex in front of him, he nudged me.  We didn’t close our eyes again during the prayer.  We tried to suppress our laughter while snapping these photos. (Yes, we know it is completely against the rules but can you blame us????)  It was a looooooong prayer and Alex never opened his eyes.

I must say that Alex is THE sweetest little boy in THE world.  Oh, he’s my nephew, by the way.  My sister, Angie, has taught her kids well and they are great examples for my kids to follow (okay, okay! and for Josh and myself to follow too).

After Obama CHANGES the United States into a Socialist Union, we’re going to wish the doctor that delivered Baby Obama left him in a room to die right after he was born.

As I ran on the treadmill today, I was watching the news.  A story that was being discussed on every news channel I switched to was the Obama Stimulus Package.  Here is a brief summary:

“Speaker Nancy Pelosi on birth-control funding as part of the $825 billion stimulus package:

“Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children’s health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs.

One of those – one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government.”

Oh man, I was so furious and, once again, so scared for the future of our country that I ran an easy four miles.  First of all, I hate that my taxes would make me accountable for some else’s poor choices and seemingly condone promiscuous behavior.

Here is a quote from John Boehner, the House Republican leader:

“Regardless of where anyone stands on taxpayer funding for contraceptives and the abortion industry, there is no doubt that this once little-known provision in the congressional Democrats’ spending plan has nothing to do with stimulating the economy and creating more American jobs.”

There’s something sinister about this plan, if you ask me.  It seems like all those Democrats who now have all the control they have been needing for years are just throwing all their ridiculous plans and initiatives into the Stimulus Package.  Hiding junk in there hoping that it will get passed without notice because we are in such economic trouble.  I’m telling you, this seems like a Trojan Horse to me.  Obama will say,”Come on in, cute little horsey. Oh what’s this door?  I didn’t even notice it. (wink wink to Hilary) Let’s see what’s in here….OH HELLO ALL MY SOCIALIST BUDDIES!”

You WILL cry, be prepared!

You can thank me later!!!

If this wasn’t a family blog I could go on and on describing how this should be dealt with.